The other day my husband came home from work and says "Can I tell you something kind of good?" Heck yes! I'm always up for good news, and this was coming on a particularly stressful day. My 81 year old Aunt was having surgery on her carotid artery and I had a phone call from one of best friends telling me he needed a heart transplant but doesn't qualify due to his other health problems, so they are going to attempt bipass surgery but can't make any guarantees. So yes, by all means tell me something good!
He tells me that his training prior to Iraq may only be 2 weeks now, rather than 1 month as we've been told, and he might get to come home for 2 weeks before deploying. I sat there almost dumbfounded and the first thought I had was "When do we get to the good part?"
Now before you think I'm a horrible person and quit reading, let me defend myself to you, just as I did to him. Unfortunately my mouth reacted before my brain could stop it and I said "I'm not sure I want you home for those 2 weeks." Of course he reacts the same way you probably did and says "Fine I'll stay out at the base and won't tell you I'm home." Then I began my defense...
The bad part of him going to training before he leaves is that I don't get to tell him goodbye before he goes to Iraq. The bad thing about him coming home is I do get to tell him goodbye before he goes to Iraq. I say that because it kills me to say goodbye to him anytime he goes anywhere for long periods of time. It will hurt bad enough seeing him off to training and knowing from there he goes to Iraq. Just imagining telling him goodbye as he boards a plane to Iraq makes me cry, so how in the world will I do it for real?
I was looking at that month of training as an adjustment period for us, time to get used to him being gone without the added pressure of him being in Iraq. Mostly that would apply to me because I'm old enough to overthink the Iraq part of the equation, for the kids it doesn't matter as much, daddy is gone and that's all they really factor in. However, I do think it would put us all on a roller coaster that I don't want to ride.
For my family it takes us that first week to get into our new groove. That means we'd get in our "daddy's gone groove", then he'd be home only to leave again and we'd have to get back in the groove again and this time for a lot longer. I really think it would throw my 4 yr old off. She adjusts pretty well, but I don't want him to leave the 2nd time and have her thinking in a couple weeks he'll be back.
I would love nothing more than to have 2 more weeks with my husband, but at the same time I am afraid of what it will do to us emotionally. It will be hard, but if that's how the Air Force wants to do it then I'll get through it. I will make the most out of those 2 weeks and suck it up when it's time to say goodbye again. When the big one comes (2nd goodbye) I will just find a way and get through it just like I've found ways to get through everything else.
My husband understood where I was coming from, and I hope you do to. It's not that I don't want him here...I do, more than anything...it's just that it will be awful saying goodbye a second time so soon. It truly is a double edged sword, it's good and it's bad, but in the end it is what it is and all we can do is deal the hand we are dealt.
Fair call about the disruption to your 4 year old's routine, but I reckon your husband wants to spend all the time he can with you, before he enters the "lonely zone". I never handled the separation away from my wife very well. Sure I didn't have to hold a family together, but I didn't get to hug them every night either! A deplyoment is a very lonely place, which is ironic because you are will hundreds of people and never get to do anything except sleep alone, and you are kept busy, but you mind is always thinking of home. You are not wrong in your observations, but it is hard for your husband too.
ReplyDeleteRegards Brett (chetmanaus)
I agree that those transitions are hard. Harder than we think they are. We estimate, calculate, get the ducks in a row only to have it go a completely different way. We went through almost the same thing the last time my husband left. The only advise I have is hang in there. Take it one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteCristy, thank you for what you do. Spouses are the real heroes and we Airmen can't thank you enough. Keep up the good work and keep motivated and dedicated. Thank you Capt. David Faggard
ReplyDeleteCristy, been there, done that, and I do understand. My husband is retired military (Army)and I also reared 3 children (2 boys, 1 girl). Deployment is difficult for everyone, especially children. When they are young, they aren't able to understand the concept of time. There are lots of ways you can support your children (and yourself) and I'd love to share them with you.
ReplyDeleteI am a Life Coach and, like you, my passion is to support others to find fulfillment in their lives. I no longer live near a military post, but would love to support military spouses. Check out my website: www.coachingthefamily.com and my blog: http://glammagrandma.blogspot.com (as in Glamorous Grandma). All the best ...
Hey, I also grew up an Air Force Brat! Where have you lived? I lived in Panama, Colorado Springs, Texas. I am married to a Navy Chief who is currently deployed, this is the 2nd time. Nice talking to you!
ReplyDeleteMonica
Hey Cristy! You, my dear, have been assigned to me as my swap partner! But we'll chat about that later.
ReplyDeleteI am a military wife as well. My hubs was in the Marine Corps and did the first two tours in Iraq (way back at the beginning of this whole thing). The first time, we had ooooooh, about 3-4 days notice that he was going, with a return window of 6-18 months. YIPES! I'm not sure which I prefer (the second time we knew well in advance), knowing or not knowing. I hope the transition is as easy as possible on you and your children.
**Your webcam is about to get a workout!
I hope we can become friends, at least in the been there done that sense.
Hearts,
~MammaDucky
How much longer till your hubby gets to retire, and you guys won't have to go through this anymore?
ReplyDeleteLisa
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