Sunday, May 15, 2011

Contact me

I get many comments with questions or just wanting to talk. Anyone who would like to contact me...follow me on Facebook. I'm always on there. If I don't know the answers I will find someone who does. I may not always know the right thing to say, but I'm here for you all and will help if I can. I know it's not easy and sometimes you feel lost or frustrated and just need to vent...I'm here. Cristy Barham on Facebook.

FML

Hello everyone, it has been a while. I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer on April 27, 2011. The day after my birthday. Nice, huh? Well, it is what it is. I'll be having surgery soon and maybe then I'll get back to life.

I am still going to school. I'm still getting a 4.0. Not sure how, I just am. It keeps me sane. I'm fighting this hard, really hard...and planning to win. Failure is not an option for me. I have 3 kids and a highly deployable husband, so I have no choice. Fix it and move on.

Enough of that, let's talk Air Force Wife stuff.

The leadership response was "Tell us what you need from us." Sounds awesome, right? Well, it probably was until we killed Bin Laden. You see, I didn't schedule my cancer around our finding and killing Bin Laden, so for the Air Force that is a problem. My husband is Security Forces, and the threat con level went up which meant more manning. I guess his unit is running at minimum manning, and again, this is a problem. The doctor told us it was serious and I needed to go to the Cancer Center ASAP. I had an appointment scheduled for 2 weeks after the diagnosis. When the cancer docs got my info they bumped my appointment up a week. Being my first appointment there, and knowing we would be discussing my surgery and follow up treatment, my husband wanted to be there. Guess what? Yep. Bin Laden jacked up my life and he's not even alive anymore. We were told "no can do" when he requested to go. So my best friend Alec picked up the slack and took me instead. I'm not going to lie, I was upset. I got it, but that doesn't mean I liked it. Now I have roughly a week to get things done (including finals) before surgery. My husband wants to help, but they are on 12 hour shifts, which end up being about 16, so when does he have time? This is where being self reliant as an Air Force Wife comes in very handy.

I've approached this from the angle of "what would I do if he was deployed?" Because honestly, right now as much help as he is, he might as well be deployed. I don't like to ask for help ever, but when balls are being dropped because he can't be there I need someone to pick them up. I've got too many balls in the air to juggle all alone. I have just taken on everything and decided to handle this as I would have handled it had I gotten the diagnosis while he was gone. It works to an extent. It throws me off when I'm in my "you're on your own" zone and he finally shows up at 8 at night for dinner. Then I have to switch into "oh he's home, I have to fix dinner now" mode. Honestly it makes me nuts.

Being a military spouse isn't easy, and anyone who tells you it is...well, don't listen. The military is a whole different ball game than civilian life. The military comes first...always. I love the military. I was raised an AF brat and am now a spouse, in a few years I'll be an AF mom. The benefits of being in the military can't be measured. The sacrifices we make as spouses are minimal to what those in the uniform do for us every day. His unit is unbelievably supportive of me in my fight. I'm surrounded by great friends and family. I'll get through this because I'm a tough country girl who also happens to be an Air Force Wife.

Having a support system is key. Not just for when you are dealing with something big like cancer. It's important when they are gone TDY or deployed. Those are huge times that you have to have support. The people at the base are there for you, the other spouses are there for you. Hopefully your family and civilian friends support you. You need that. Sometimes you need help, even if you don't like to ask (guilty!). Sometimes you need to vent. Sometimes you just need a distraction. Surround yourself with good people and you can survive anything. In my opinion you don't find better people than you'll find in the military.

The husband will be there for my surgery. That is great. They are working with us and being as flexible as they can. I can't help it that the timing of my cancer and Bin Laden coincided. That's just bad timing, and I'm a pro at that! It's not my husband's fault, or the Air Force's fault. It is what it is. I tell everyone, as a military spouse don't make plans. If you do make plans though, make them in pencil...they are always subject to change. If you can accept that, you'll be fine.