Just when things were getting back to "normal" you are leaving again??

It was funny to look back on everything that had happened to me and my kids, because now it was over. It was nice to feel like things were getting back to normal. Life was good, everyone was happy and then there was a flood. Not here at our home, but north of us and all along the Mississippi River. My husband comes home from work one day and says "I've been put on alert." Great! You've been home 2 or 3 weeks and now you're leaving again...oh boy. This was bad timing. Really bad.

The kids and I, and my husband too, had really just got back in the "whole family together" mode. Of course a couple of days later he got the call and he was gone. Off to fight the flood. It was a good thing to be doing. Helping all those people affected by the flood and trying to save towns from going under water. How could I care, right? But I did. I wanted him HERE.

But, this is the life we signed up for, so I just reverted back to the "mommy and daddy all rolled into one" role. At least this time he wouldn't be gone for 6 months. It was hard because I felt like I had just gotten him back. I felt like a child who doesn't want to share her toys- I didn't want to share him with the rest of the world who needed him.

It wasn't too horrible. We talked every day. The worst part was that he missed our daughter's 4th birthday. He was gone for a few weeks, and it was easy when he came home. No biggie. I got comfortable with him being here and then the biggie came. He told me his unit was going to Iraq. I told him not to volunteer, but in the end he was "voluntold" and he is going on the deployment. They leave in July for a month of training here in the US, then they'll be in Iraq for 6 months.

Holy crap! Seven months total this time! Have you read my first blog? If so, you see what happened in roughly 6 months. If not, go back and read it! I think I was shocked. Then it hit me... we'll be fine. I mean, seriously, if I got through all that crap last time I can get through this. Bring it on! My mom always says "yeah you got a good taste"... good taste? I think I got the whole meal.

I know I can do it. I know I will do it. But as I sit here roughly 3 months away from the deployment I find myself thinking I don't WANT to do it. I don't want him to leave and miss our daughter's first day of Kindergarten and our oldest son's first day of high school. I don't want him to miss the boys' birthdays and all the holidays. I don't want him to go, period. He is going though, and there is nothing we can do about it.

My daughter gets it this time a little more. She hasn't really got a concept of what "Iraq" means, but she knows daddy is leaving and is unsure about it. My middle child (the emotional one) keeps asking if daddy has to go, and when I say yes he wants to know why. My oldest is the only one who seems fine with it. He wants to go to the Air Force Academy and be a fighter pilot, so he always says "Oh well, that's just the military." I think secretly he's happy he gets to be man of the house again!

If you are a military spouse you know that at no time did anyone tell you this would be easy. If you are a military family the same is true. We have to endure things that most people can't imagine. But the great thing is we do endure. We are strong and we get stronger.

In my case, my kids, my friends and my wonderful parents are what get me through when I'm ready to give up. I also have a great family readiness coordinator at our base. She's always there and can usually find the answers to anything that comes up. I hate to ask for help, but since becoming a military wife I've learned that sometimes you just have to. Don't let your pride get in the way. We are all a part of a greater family...the military family. It is full of wonderful people who can relate to what you are going through. Many of them have "been there, done that" or are going through the same things. You aren't alone!

In this day and time we are learning to "get used to" (as much as is possible) the ups and downs of our spouse coming and going more and more often. Hopefully one day soon when our spouse comes home it will be for good. Until then, just remember whatever you are going through, you aren't alone. We'll get through this again, whether we like it or not, because we are a strong part of the military family.

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Reunion...almost as fun as you'd think. Almost

If you read my previous post, you can imagine how much I was looking forward to my husband coming home. At last I wouldn't have to handle the craziness alone, or better yet, maybe the craziness would stop! Now, don't get me wrong, it was amazing to be able to look across the table and see him sitting there instead of looking at the empty chair that we had left his jacket hanging on all those months. It was nice to have him lying next to me in bed instead of sleeping with his shirt. Things were definitely looking up.

Then reality hit me... he's different, more confident, more organized, more driven. It was a good thing. But wait! I'm different, too. How could I not be? I felt like I'd survived a war! The kids were definitely different, and that was really the kicker.

My oldest son, who at the time was 13, had been the man of the house. He helped me so much, especially when I was recovering from what I like to call "the hole". He was a big help around the house, learned to cook quite a few things, helped with his younger brother and sister and even helped my mom by learning to help me clean and bandage the hole when I couldn't do it myself. He really stepped up and did way more than should have been expected of a 13 yr old. So now that Daddy was home we had a power struggle on our hands. My son was doing things that my husband now wanted to take back responsibility for. I can't even tell you how many times I said to my son, "Just be a kid again", but it's not that simple.

My younger son, who was 9, was pretty glad to have Daddy home. He's my emotional one. When my husband first left he cried all the time but as time moved on and we got in our groove he adjusted quite well. I guess he realized in his own way that life was going on and we were doing alright.

My daughter, who was 3, was really funny. The only time she even mentioned my husband while he was gone was if she was in trouble. Then I'd hear "I want my daddy" and the waterworks would begin. Even when we dropped him at the airport I don't think she would have cried, but when she saw my 10 year old crying I think she felt obligated. She would just casually talk about daddy being "at Texas" and move on about her life. I was envious. I wish it had been that easy for me. I missed him terribly and cried in the shower A LOT.

I was over the moon that he was coming home. As I said though, we had all changed and had to adjust to "our new life" together. We had all grown and changed, but we hadn't grown apart. It was just an adjustment. My husband got tired of hearing things like "well Mommy let us do it this way" and "when you were gone we did blah blah blah".

I think on some level we all thought he'd come home and things would go back to the way they were before he left- immediately. That's just not possible. Things will never be the same, but that's not a bad thing. We had our life before and now we were beginning our life after. Another new adventure...

I guess all I want to get across with this post is that you can't expect things not to change. You'll change, they'll change, but as long as you realize that, you can adjust. Don't build up this idea of the perfect reunion and how it is all going to go smoothly because you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. You will have a wonderful reunion and things will get back to a "new normal", but you have to be flexible and patient. Another part of being a military spouse!

As long as you are prepared to get to know each other again as the people you are post deployment, you'll be ok. If you expect that things will be as they were, you're in for a longer harder road. Reuniouns are a glorious thing and in their own way they are fun, just be ready for some adjustments.

Kids are the ones that really have to adjust. I don't think they realize that things will be different. They adapt to new situations so easily. Mine adapted quickly to me being both mom and dad. They got used to the way I was doing things. It was an adjustment to get used to "including" my husband in things again. I'd make decisions and do things and then say "Oh I should have told him about this..." or things would come up and I snap at him and say "You don't understand! You weren't here!" The kids came to me for everything because for 6 months that's what they had to do, they had no choice. When Daddy got home it didn't occur to them to go to him for things, Mommy had been in charge for the last 6 months. Habits are hard to break.

At first it may seem as chaotic as when your spouse first left because you are again trying to get used to a new situation. But enjoy your reunion, have fun getting to know each other again. Share all the ways you've grown and be proud of each other for your accomplishments! Before you know it you and your kids and even your spouse will be in a new groove, and again life will go on.

**Tune in to PBS tomorrow at 8 p.m. for “Coming Home: Military Families Cope With Change.”**

If It Is Going To Happen It Will Happen While He Is Gone

Growing up an Air Force brat I often got to see my mom handle things while my dad was gone with what seemed to be ease. I'm the daughter of a true military man. He was Active Duty for 30 years, retired Chief Master Sergeant and then went back to doing basically the same thing as Civil Service. Now I'm seeing things from a new perspective. Now I'm the Air Force wife who tries to handle everything while her husband is gone, but let me tell you-it's not necessarily with "ease". Last year I was initiated to the Air Force Wife Life with what I like to call "trial by fire". I hope when you read my story you'll see that you can handle more than you think and you'll get through it just fine. If I did it, anybody can. Trust me...

My mom always reminds me that she tried to warn me: "If it's going to happen it will happen while he's gone." It's not that I didn't believe her, I just never believed it would be so extreme...

Last year, January 2nd, 2008 to be exact, my husband went to basic training at Lackland AFB, Texas. He joined the Air National Guard, and at the age of 35, was going to BMT with all those young fellas. This was his 2nd attempt at BMT. He had gone before and got injured. He came home and recovered from his injury and went back. I was so proud and couldn't wait for him to show up all those young guys. So we got him off to Texas and my children and I went home to start adjusting to our situation.

Between BMT and Security Forces tech school immediately after he was to be gone roughly 6 months. I was on chemo at the time for a medical condition and it had more or less wiped out my immune system. The first 2 weeks that he was gone I spent fighting bronchitis and pneumonia. It wasn't fun, but I'd pretty much expected it to happen since I had nothing to fight off an infection with and my 3 little germ factories (kids) kept bringing home colds from school. Then, during his 4th week of training, January 24th, 2008, things went from bad to worse real fast.

At first it didn't seem that bad, I felt like I had the flu and then I got this red knot on my upper arm. The knot hurt and it was HOT! I'd put ice packs on it and they'd melt right away. My mom wanted to take me to the doctor but I refused, stating that it was "too cold outside." The next day I woke up feeling even worse if that's possible, and I could barely move my shoulder. Then I noticed red lines streaking up and down my arm, sort of radiating from the knot. I called my mom to tell her I thought I was getting worse and she told me we were going to the ER.

By the time we got there my hand had gone numb and I was so dizzy I thought for sure I'd faint. Of course, as is my luck, the ER was extremely busy with critical patients and car wrecks. We must have waited for 2 hours when I finally said "get me back there or I'm going to collapse right here." After examining me the doctor called in a surgeon and I was rushed into surgery. I had a MRSA staph infection (that's the nasty flesh eating "super bug") and roughly 24 hours to live. It was spreading from my arm towards an artery and to my heart and lungs. I was so loopy from the infection spreading through my body that I didn't comprehend how serious it was until the next day.

I woke up the next morning and learned just how close I'd come to not being here today. They had to cut a 6 inch diameter 2 inch deep hole in my arm, taking lymph nodes, tissue, muscle and cutting through nerves. They also had to tunnel down my arm as well as under my collar bone to get ahead of the infection, to prevent it from spreading to my heart and lungs. I was lucky, but not out of the woods yet. I had to be on strong IV medicines for quite awhile because they couldn't be absolutely sure they'd "gotten it all."

The Red Cross got ahold of my husband and obviously he was devastated. He wanted to come home because I had a long road to recovery ahead of me, but I told him to stay. He was just getting ready to leave for "warrior week". He was nearly done with BMT and I wasn't letting him quit. So he stayed there and I recovered with the help of my mom. I was immediately taken off the chemo and my body responded well to the treatment.

I kept telling the doctors and nurses that I was going to Texas to see my husband on February 13th. The doctors said "we'll see." I was determined...I HAD to see my husband. At some point during my recovery and before I went to Texas, my son broke his foot and didn't know how. Fantastic! Then I thought my water heater went out, but imagine my surprise when I went to flip the circuit breaker to reset it and the circuit breaker box starts popping and shooting sparks out at me! My house almost caught on fire and I had to have the whole circuit breaker panel rewired. The time came for my doctor's visit prior to going to Texas and I was recovering better than he expected, so I was cleared to go!

I landed in San Antonio with no problems at this point, rented my car and set off for the hotel near the base. Of course I got lost. It took me twice as long as it should have but I found my way to the hotel. One more day and I'd be reunited with my hubby for a little while!

I still had the hole in my arm, but it was getting smaller. I unpacked my travelling medical supply store: betadine, gauze, telfa pads, medical tape, antibacterial soap, Lysol hand sanitizer and Lysol spray (I wasn't taking any chances on picking up something in that hotel room!) and I was trying to imagine my husband's face when he saw "the hole". We had a great visit and I came home feeling like the worst was behind me. My husband was starting Security Forces Tech School and we'd be able to talk every day now. Surely nothing else would go wrong...right?

This is when I realized God must have a strange sense of humor. I had to make it until the end of May and my husband would be home. No problem. And then we had a mysterious kitchen fire that to this day still can't be explained. We got it put out before any damage was done, but still...seriously?? My car was in and out of the shop, I don't even remember how many times, I just know it was pushing $1000.00 in repairs.

Somehow, with the help of many friends and my family, I had finally made it to May. My arm was healing nicely, better than the doctor had ever hoped. Things seemed to be calming down until my oldest son got jumped and beat up at school. Long story short I had a crazy lady to deal with in one of the boy's mothers and the police ended up getting involved. My son was ok, and the boys were dealt with, but that was just about more than I could take. No one messes with my kids, and if they do it hurts me as much as it does them. I was so hurt for my son!

Somehow we all pushed through it and the day came for me to fly back to Texas and bring my husband home! I almost missed my connecting flight in Dallas, but I made it by the skin of my teeth. I got to San Antonio and this time I didn't get lost trying to find the hotel. Things were looking up. My husband and I had a romantic night at the Riverwalk and we were going home...together!

I guess as I close this blog I want to say that I'm not writing this to scare anyone. I want you all to see that I made it through all of that and came out fine. Better than fine actually. I had a new found confidence in myself. I knew I could handle things on my own now. Even my dad, who isn't big on compliments or affection, said he was proud of me. He said "with all you had to deal with you did a really good job. You should be proud of yourself." And I was!

I don't think my experience could be described as "typical", but I did learn to expect the unexpected. It is funny now looking back, but at the time I thought I'd lose my mind. It was hard, but we did it. My kids and I survived some ridiculous situations together. That's how we did it...together. You can't do it alone. You need a support system, but you can do it.

My husband is now Active Duty and getting ready to deploy in 3 months. He'll be gone for a month of training and 6 months in country. 7 months this time, can you imagine what's in store for me this time? Neither can I, but I know I'll get through it. There is a reason military spouses are the strongest people you'll ever meet. It all goes back to the words of my very wise mother, "if it is going to happen it will happen while he's gone." And when it does, you'll handle it and come out a stronger person. I did.