Reunion...almost as fun as you'd think. Almost

If you read my previous post, you can imagine how much I was looking forward to my husband coming home. At last I wouldn't have to handle the craziness alone, or better yet, maybe the craziness would stop! Now, don't get me wrong, it was amazing to be able to look across the table and see him sitting there instead of looking at the empty chair that we had left his jacket hanging on all those months. It was nice to have him lying next to me in bed instead of sleeping with his shirt. Things were definitely looking up.

Then reality hit me... he's different, more confident, more organized, more driven. It was a good thing. But wait! I'm different, too. How could I not be? I felt like I'd survived a war! The kids were definitely different, and that was really the kicker.

My oldest son, who at the time was 13, had been the man of the house. He helped me so much, especially when I was recovering from what I like to call "the hole". He was a big help around the house, learned to cook quite a few things, helped with his younger brother and sister and even helped my mom by learning to help me clean and bandage the hole when I couldn't do it myself. He really stepped up and did way more than should have been expected of a 13 yr old. So now that Daddy was home we had a power struggle on our hands. My son was doing things that my husband now wanted to take back responsibility for. I can't even tell you how many times I said to my son, "Just be a kid again", but it's not that simple.

My younger son, who was 9, was pretty glad to have Daddy home. He's my emotional one. When my husband first left he cried all the time but as time moved on and we got in our groove he adjusted quite well. I guess he realized in his own way that life was going on and we were doing alright.

My daughter, who was 3, was really funny. The only time she even mentioned my husband while he was gone was if she was in trouble. Then I'd hear "I want my daddy" and the waterworks would begin. Even when we dropped him at the airport I don't think she would have cried, but when she saw my 10 year old crying I think she felt obligated. She would just casually talk about daddy being "at Texas" and move on about her life. I was envious. I wish it had been that easy for me. I missed him terribly and cried in the shower A LOT.

I was over the moon that he was coming home. As I said though, we had all changed and had to adjust to "our new life" together. We had all grown and changed, but we hadn't grown apart. It was just an adjustment. My husband got tired of hearing things like "well Mommy let us do it this way" and "when you were gone we did blah blah blah".

I think on some level we all thought he'd come home and things would go back to the way they were before he left- immediately. That's just not possible. Things will never be the same, but that's not a bad thing. We had our life before and now we were beginning our life after. Another new adventure...

I guess all I want to get across with this post is that you can't expect things not to change. You'll change, they'll change, but as long as you realize that, you can adjust. Don't build up this idea of the perfect reunion and how it is all going to go smoothly because you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. You will have a wonderful reunion and things will get back to a "new normal", but you have to be flexible and patient. Another part of being a military spouse!

As long as you are prepared to get to know each other again as the people you are post deployment, you'll be ok. If you expect that things will be as they were, you're in for a longer harder road. Reuniouns are a glorious thing and in their own way they are fun, just be ready for some adjustments.

Kids are the ones that really have to adjust. I don't think they realize that things will be different. They adapt to new situations so easily. Mine adapted quickly to me being both mom and dad. They got used to the way I was doing things. It was an adjustment to get used to "including" my husband in things again. I'd make decisions and do things and then say "Oh I should have told him about this..." or things would come up and I snap at him and say "You don't understand! You weren't here!" The kids came to me for everything because for 6 months that's what they had to do, they had no choice. When Daddy got home it didn't occur to them to go to him for things, Mommy had been in charge for the last 6 months. Habits are hard to break.

At first it may seem as chaotic as when your spouse first left because you are again trying to get used to a new situation. But enjoy your reunion, have fun getting to know each other again. Share all the ways you've grown and be proud of each other for your accomplishments! Before you know it you and your kids and even your spouse will be in a new groove, and again life will go on.

**Tune in to PBS tomorrow at 8 p.m. for “Coming Home: Military Families Cope With Change.”**